How to Help a Friend...

Most victims of violence turn to someone they know first for help. How that person responds is very important.

How someone responds is called  ‘social response’ and is the collective reaction (words, behaviours and attitudes) towards the victim. This response can be helpful or hurtful.


Here are some helpful responses:

Listen…

• Be calm and give the person all of your attention. 
• Let them know that you have heard what they have said. 
  

Believe…

• Believe what they are telling you. 
• Understand that talking about this takes strength and courage
  

Helping a Friend Who Has Been Sexually Assaulted

Be compassionate…

• Remember that empathy is not pity

How to Support a Friend Who Has Been Sexually Assaulted

Be clear that it’s not the victim’s fault…

• Victims often blame themselves. Remind them that the perpetrator is responsible for their actions.
  

Support their right to control their own life…

• Sometimes we think we know what is best for a friend. Don’t expect them to follow your advice. Ultimately, they must make their own decisions. 

Provide information…

• If they want more support, it can be helpful to have an idea of where to go such as the local distress phone number or sexual assault support agency. 

Stop Sexual Violence: A Sexual Violence Bystander Intervention Tool Kit

Protect their right to privacy...

• Respect their right to privacy; they have the right to choose who they speak to.  If the victim is a child (under the age of 18 in Canada), consider speaking to the local sexual assault agency about how to report childhood sexual abuse. 
  

Victims who receive POSITIVE social responses are more likely to:

• recover more quickly and fully
• work with authorities
• report violence in future
• access services and supports

Calgary Women's Emergency Shelter - Social Responses Handbook

Calgary Women's Emergency Shelter - Community Action Campaign