Understanding Consent

  • Consent is...

  • Obvious. In the simplest context, consent is giving permission for something to happen or making an agreement to do something. 
  • Consenting to sexual activity means  there has been a voluntary agreement to engage in a sexual activity with another person(s). 
  • Consent is about respect and communication between all persons involved in the sexual activity.
  • Consent is simple - never assume. Ask and respect your partner's wishes. 
  • A wanted encounter.  If it is not okay with you or your partner, then it is not okay!

  • Consent is NOT...

  • Consent is not valid when it's gained through pressure, coercion, force, or threats of force (Criminal Code of Canada Section 273.1). 
  • Consent is not valid if someone else says ‘yes’ for an individual or any other person(s) that is engaging in a sexual encounter. 
  • Consent is not valid if the accused abuses a position of trust or authority in order to get another person to engage in a sexual encounter.
  • Consent is not valid if the person says 'no' or shows 'no' through non verbal communication such as silence, cringing, shaking their head no, pushing away, turning away, looking away, avoiding eye contact etc...
  • Consent is not valid if the person is not capable of giving consent (e.g. traumatized, under the influence of alcohol or drugs, is unconscious).
  • Constant. Just because consent has been given to a person once before or multiple times before does not automatically mean consent applies all the time.  Consent must be obtained and permission given for each and every sexual contact to occur.
Consent can be...
  • Withdrawn. A person is allowed to change her/his decision to participate in any sexual encounter or activity at any point in time.


To learn more about what the laws of consent for sex mean for you please see this Guide To Understanding Consent from Alberta Health Services.

What is Sexual Assault?

The Criminal Code of Canada states that sexual assault is any form of sexual contact without that person’s consent or voluntary agreement. Consent cannot be obtained through force, use of threats, harassing behaviours, bullying, manipulation or when someone is under the influence of alcohol/drugs and cannot give complete approval.

Any unwanted sexual contact --including kissing, touching, groping, oral penetration, vaginal or anal penetration etc.--under ANY circumstances is sexual assault. 

For more information about the crime of sexual assault, visit calgarycasa.com
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Is it true?

Is it true that men “need” to have sex and that sometimes they just can’t control themselves?

No. Men can, and do, control themselves and their sexual desires.  Sexual assault is an act of violence against another person where sex is being used as the weapon.  It is a crime to commit an act of sexual assault. 
Is it true that people just misread the signals, I mean if someone isn’t into what’s happening they’ll just say so, right?

No. There are many different ways, verbal and non-verbal, to indicate to others that we are not into what is happening and we are generally good at reading them in other situations; think of situations where you invite someone for drinks and while they don’t say “no” you get the feeling that they’re not interested.  Or consider a situation where you wanted to go see a movie with friends and then grab some dinner afterward: you wouldn’t just gather them all up, put them in a car, and drive them to the theatre, you would ask each of them first if they were interested.

Sexual activity should be no different.  Any sexual activity requires clear, enthusiastic, on-going consent and if that is not present then you shouldn’t proceed.  If you are ever not sure if someone is into what is happening you can, and should, ask them directly.
Okay, sexual assault is definitely wrong and I would never blame the victim, but is it true that it's a 
two-way street? Aren’t both people partially responsible?

No. The responsibility for getting consent lies with the initiator.  If they didn’t get consent from their partner then the fault lies with them.  They may not know what they’re doing is sexual assault but not knowing or not intending to harm another is not an excuse and it would still be considered assault.
Is it true that people need to take responsibility and keep themselves safe, it’s fine to give tips so long as I’m coming from a good place right?

No. Telling someone to watch their drinks, not hang out with certain people, or not wear clothing that’s too revealing takes the focus off of the person committing the crime of sexual assault and puts it on the person experiencing the assault.  These kinds of messages also reinforce the notion that the sexual assault was “deserved” or understandable if the “tips” were not followed and people who experience the assault can start blaming themselves.